Often, people marry because they have reached the age, and because someone attracts them.
The excitement of the beginning is normal. In every couple, it calms down with time.
If a marriage rests on that excitement alone, it may not hold once the excitement fades.
So attraction does not count? It does. Someone asked the Prophet ﷺ which woman is best.
He said: “The one who makes him happy when he looks at her, obeys him when he asks her,
and does not go against him, in herself or her wealth, in a way he dislikes.”
The first quality he names is the joy of looking at her. Attraction has its place.
A believing slave woman is better than a polytheist woman, even though she might please you.
And a believing slave is better than a polytheist man, even though he might please you.
“Even though she might please you”: the verse speaks to men and to women, and puts faith above attraction.
So what is marriage for? First, to help each other walk toward Allah.
The believing men and believing women are allies of one another.
They enjoin what is right, forbid what is wrong, and establish prayer.
This verse speaks of all believers. A married couple is the first place to live it, every day.
They are clothing for you, and you are clothing for them.
Clothing covers, protects and stays close. Each spouse is meant to be that for the other.
Second aim: most marriages become a family. So you are also choosing your children's father or mother.
O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire.
Choosing who will raise your children with you is the first step of that protection.
So ask: will he be a good father? Will she be a good mother? Not only: does this person please me?
And if Allah does not grant children, the marriage keeps its meaning: walking together toward Him.
Most people ask first: who attracts me?
Few ask first: why am I getting married? Yet that question decides the rest.
The question “why am I marrying?” protects you from many wrong choices.
Tonight, write down your reasons for marrying, and cross out those that would not last ten years.